http://www.dailyredundancy.com The Standard of Excellence In Pseudojournalism Newspapers Wed, 18 Jun 2008 06:49:04 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss en WASHINGTON, DC - The Federal Bureau of Investigation today called off a nearly thirty year search for the elusive Mike Hunt. The case, which touched off a nationwide search in the summer of 1982... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1114.html NEW YORK, NY - Speaking at a fundraiser with the group New York Women for McCain, the Republican nominee today continued his promises to cut taxes if elected. The Arizona senator pledged to make the Bush tax cuts permanent... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1113.html HOLLYWOOD, FL - The national convention of the Horse Faced Women Lovers of America today released its annual list of the 10 most beautiful celebrities during a raucous ceremony downtown... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1112.html PASADENA, CA - NASA's Phoenix Lander, while searching for frozen water and organic compounds on the Martian surface, discovered today what appears to be crude oil instead. A secondary experiment, built by the Halliburton Corporation... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1111.html HOLLYWOOD, CA - A spokesperson for Portia de Rossi, longtime partner and newly named fiancée of television personality Ellen DeGeneres, has said plans for the upcoming wedding have been postponed indefinitely... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1110.html TALLAHASSEE, FL - A report issued today by the Department of Education reveals that the expected illiteracy rate among high school graduates will decline significantly this year. This marks the first time in several decades that this benchmark has fallen in two consecutive years... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1109.html CAMBRIDGE, MA - A nationwide survey conducted over the past month has revealed a troubling statistic concerning the well-being of the American public. The survey was crafted to focus on how individuals were coping with increasingly difficult times... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1108.html SAN RAMON, CA - Chevron Corporation, the nation's second largest energy company, announced today it will cut gas prices by 9 tenths effective immediately. The move comes with the news of forecasts for record high crude oil prices over the summer... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1107.html ORLANDO, FL - Former baseball great Roger Clemens today denied allegations he is dating Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. Disney's Hannah Montana. The allegations stem from excerpts released from an upcoming book by Jose Canseco, entitled 'Juiced 2 - Supersized'... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1106.html NEW HAVEN, CT - A nationwide furniture manufacturer has been named in a massive class-action lawsuit filed today in federal court. The suit references a recent study linking prolonged use of stools manufactured by Ashley to various liver diseases.... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1105.html EL PASO, TX - A little known domestic terrorist group has become a major target of the Department of Homeland Security in recent months. The group, known as the Tumbleweed Liberation Front, or TLF, is a militant environmentalist faction with cells throughout the western states... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1104.html NORFOLK, VA - Ingrid Newberg, executive director of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, faced a chorus of calls for her resignation today as she was engulfed in a meat-eating scandal involving a high-priced butcher... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1103.html PLAINS, GA - The serenity of this sleepy southwest Georgia town was shattered overnight by a rocket attack from a militant extremist group. Up to fifteen rockets were fired on the town, setting brushfires, scattering chickens and badly damaging a thirteen foot sculpture... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1102.html PITTSBURGH, PA - In a calculated political move, Republican presidential hopeful John McCain today endorsed the campaigns of both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Staff members say McCain will actively campaign for whichever candidate 'needed him the most'... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1101.html DAYTON, OH - Collecting e-mails has become one of the fastest growing pastimes in America, as evidenced by the huge turnout at the 'E-Mail Roadshow' here at the Dayton Convention Center. Thousands of collectors have gathered to buy and sell, to get appraisals, or just to find out if there is a gold mine in that old inbox... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1100.html BRONX, NY - An investigation into clandestine attempts by the Boston Red Sox to jinx the New York Yankees' new stadium continued to widen today. Evidence has been uncovered that a well-organized plan was in place that included current and former players, and prominent items of memorabilia... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1099.html WASHINGTON, DC - The Internal Revenue Service has ruled that effective immediately, pennies will be accepted as payment for individual tax returns. The move reverses a long-standing policy that vigorously prohibited such payments, and led to prosecution in many cases. The Treasury Department is hoping the move will soften the image of the IRS and stave off attempts to eliminate the increasingly worthless coin... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1098.html HOLLYWOOD, CA - Paula Abdul's trademark starry-eyed gushing continued well after the production of 'American Idol' at an after party in Jason's, a nearby drinking establishment. Paula was moved to tears after a lengthy performance by Phil, the head bartender, and had difficulty finding the words to express her appreciation... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1097.html WASHINGTON, DC - The long standing tradition of redecorating the White House upon the arrival of a new first family will likely be preceded by a major renovation after the upcoming election, according to officials at the General Services Administration. The agency says that no matter which of the three remaining candidates becomes President, significant alterations to the building will be necessary to accommodate them... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1096.html NEW YORK, NY - The United Nations today passed a resolution apologizing on behalf of the human race to Neanderthal man, for "egregious and shameful" treatment in the past. Anthropologists have known for years that modern man disenfranchised Neanderthals from ancient society to the extent that they caused their extinction... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1095.html LAS VEGAS, NV - Nearly thirteen years after promising to hunt down the real killers of his estranged wife Nicole and her friend Ron Goldman, O.J. Simpson announced today that there has been a breakthrough in his investigation. After sifting through voluminous evidence from his own trial, Simpson has determined that the pair was killed with a large knife... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1094.html LOS ANGELES, CA - SUV drivers, increasingly falling victim to the bursting market bubble of the popular vehicles, are finding themselves struggling to keep their means of transportation. Faced with rising fuel prices, lengthy loan agreements, and the skyrocketing costs of rim maintenance, many SUV owners are on the brink of downsizing to smaller vehicles... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1093.html RAIFORD, FL - A study recently completed at Florida State Prison has established a link between the effectiveness of crime prevention programs and the environment in which the programs are administered. The report, due out today, was compiled using information gathered over two years of records research and interviews with inmates. The study reached the startling conclusion that prevention programs are stymied by the extremely high number of criminals housed in the prisons... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1092.html ORLANDO, FL - Tiger Woods limped his way to another tour victory on Sunday, needing a 25 foot putt to birdie the final hole and beat 45 year old journeyman Bart Bryant. The win capped off a disappointing weekend that began with Woods having to post a 66 on Saturday just to make the final pairing. The Tournament marks the second time this season that Woods has won by only one shot.... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1091.html INGLEWOOD, CA - The Workers World Party today announced plans for their 2008 presidential candidate search. Party officials, seeking a serious showing in the general election after years of relative obscurity, have devised a bold approach to their selection process. In an attempt to capitalize on the surprising popularity of the three remaining major party candidates... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1090.html SAN ANTONIO, TX - A nationwide competition to determine America's favorite local television news personality has resulted in a victory for a popular San Antonio assignment reporter. Kim Fischer, of WOAI Channel 4, edged out Sonia Baghdady of WTNH New Haven in the finals... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1089.html SAN JOSE, CA - Hundreds of angry programmers took to the streets burning Indian flags, and chanting anti-Indian slogans after Wednesday morning production meetings. The protesters - mostly young males - have reached a boiling point after years of technological imperialism and failed Indian programming policies... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1088.html BENTONVILLE, AR - A proposed amendment to the $170 billion economic stimulus package could save billions of dollars and infuse the economy even faster than originally anticipated. Arkansas Senator William S. Walton is recommending that lawmakers take the main idea of the package... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1087.html ZANESVILLE, OH - The increasingly spirited race for the Democrat Presidential nomination took a dark turn today with stunning allegations from the Clinton campaign. Speaking at a rally in this blue-collar town outside of Columbus.... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1086.html ALEXANDRIA, VA - The Internal Revenue Service has released its newest tax form that promises to revolutionize the way Americans file their taxes. The form, dubbed 1040FU, alleviates the filer of any possibility of audits, fines or penalties by utilizing the Services' 'financial underling' enrollment system. Filers simply provide bank account and credit card access information, and the IRS calculates and collects taxes electronically..... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1085.html HOLLYWOOD, CA - The House Oversight and Government Reform Committee has announced that an investigation will be launched to address charges of substance abuse by pop superstar Britney Spears. Spears has been involved in several incidents of bizarre behavior during the past year, but vehemently denies use of any melodramatic performance enhancing drugs. Lawmakers promise a thorough, star-studded investigation lasting until election day, if necessary..... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1084.html MOGADISHU, SOMALIA - The New England Patriots dreams of a perfect season live on here in Somalia, thanks to the efforts of Global Vision. The relief and development organization distributes unused apparel printed prior to the Super Bowl to needy people around the world. The recipients, however, are unaware that the garments are not championship material.... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1083.html WASHINGTON, DC - The House Subcommittee on Energy and Alternative Fuels voted 10-1 today to triple fecalol funding next fiscal year. The technology - which promises to convert feces into fuel - has shown little success at the current funding level. Lawmakers say the escalation is necessary to take advantage of increased feces production forecast for the coming year.... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1082.html WASHINGTON, DC - The Food and Drug Administration dealt a stinging blow to the canned meat industry today with a ruling on a popular processed ingredient. Manufacturers of vienna sausages - small, tasty meat-like wieners - have already vowed to fight the decision in court... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1081.html RICHMOND, VA - A Circuit Court ruling today has suspended several civil cases involving rubber testicle bumper decorations. The cases were put on hold pending legislation now before the Virginia General Assembly to outlaw the popular accessories. Litigants claim the testicles are distracting and pose a safety hazard... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1080.html MINNEAPOLIS, MN - The debate over new evaluation guidelines continues to intensify after three days of negotiations between the Education Department and the state's largest teachers union. The proposed guidelines are under fire from teachers over the increased emphasis on student performance... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1079.html WASHINGTON, DC - A little-known initiative in the energy bill recently passed by Congress has beer drinkers and manufacturers alike in a stir. Along with measures to phase out incandescent bulbs and tax incentives for biking to work, the bill calls for light beers to replace regular beers by 2012... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1078.html TAMPA, FL - The New York Giants kept their Super Bowl dreams alive by beating the Tampa Bay Bucs 24-14 on Sunday. On an unseasonably warm day, the Giants took a 14-7 lead in the second quarter in front of 50,000 pleasant Bucs fans... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1077.html NEW YORK, NY - NBC has postponed production of its new reality show, 'Biggest Gainer' over a contract dispute with the shows hosts. A spin-off of the hit weight loss series 'Biggest Loser', producers planned to feature young anorexic girls... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1076.html NEW HAVEN, CT - In an effort to recognize the diverse traditions of the holiday season, the City has installed a Festivus pole in the Market Street square. A dedication ceremony is scheduled for Saturday afternoon. With the addition of this new holiday centerpiece... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1075.html NEW YORK, NY - The high priest of the Church of Satan has been defrocked by church elders for heresy. Phillip Wigmore was excommunicated in a ceremony at midnight for 'obstruction of evil', the highest crime against the church... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1074.html JACKSONVILLE, FL - Reports of vandalism to Christmas decorations involving lighted reindeer continue to mount, according to police records. The Sheriff's Department admits... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1073.html LOS ANGELES, CA - Officials of the X-Games tour announced today that a waterboarding event will be included in the next competition. The sport sparked the interest of the tour's governing body recently when it was banned for use by military intelligence... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1072.html TALAHASSEE, FL - The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission has delayed voting on removing the manatee from the endangered species list until it reviews classification criteria... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1071.html FOXBORO, MA - The New England Patriots cruised to a 34-13 win over the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday to maintain their perfect season at 13-0. They were matched, however, by an equally impressive 38-17 loss by the Miami Dolphins, who are on a quest for a perfect season of their own... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1070.html DENVER, CO - The American Association of Entomologists has adopted the term 'fire mites' for Trombicula alfreddugesi, a small, parasitic arachnid barely visible to the naked eye. The pests, formerly known as 'chiggers', have tormented outdoor enthusiasts... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1069.html MINNEAPOLIS, MN - A sharp decrease in cigarette tax revenue is to blame for this year's budget shortfall, according to city officials. The tax, originally imposed to fund the Theodore Gauss Emphysema Research Center at the University of Minnesota... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1068.html WASILLA, AK - Iditarod officials announced today they would adopt the controversial 'death penalty' policy for next season's race. The sled racing body, after a heated debate inside the town hall, narrowly passed the measure by a 5-4 vote... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1067.html LOS ANGELES, CA - The popular NBC game show 'Deal or No Deal' has thrilled audiences with ordinary people randomly choosing cases containing randomly placed amounts of money - or so they would have you believe... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1066.html SACRAMENTO, CA - A state program that provides energy efficient light bulbs to low income residents is about be expanded, according to a proposal now before lawmakers. The new legislation will make free compact fluorescent bulbs available... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1065.html COLLEGE STATION, TX - Texas A&M head football coach Dennis Frachione resigned less than an hour after defeating rival Texas, easily beating out Bill Callahan's firing from Nebraska on Saturday... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1064.html CHICAGO, IL - A statement released today by the National Retailer's Association declares that early holiday sales are the slowest ever. When adjusted for inflation and seasonal influences, the Association claims the data foretells the worst holiday sales figures in history... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1063.html CAMBRIDGE, MA - A new study has linked the traditional feasts associated with Thanksgiving and Christmas to increases in planetary temperatures. The report, to be released Wednesday... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1062.html ATLANTA, GA - The Atlanta Falcons moved on step closer to the season quarterback benching record when head coach Bobby Petrino replaced Byron Leftwich with Joey Harrington... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1061.html DES MOINES, IA - The recent outbreak of Mad Rooster disease that is ravaging the Midwest has been linked to tainted feed from China. Traces of sildenafil citrate, the active ingredient in Viagra, has been found in 90% of the chicken feed tested... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1060.html LOS ANGELES, CA - Participants in a recent poll conducted by The Daily Redundacny chose former Charlie's Angel Cheryl Laddas the hottest 70's babe... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1059.html LAS VEGAS, NV - The ratings for coverage of O.J. Simpson's armed robbery trial are 'abysmal' according to trial broadcast experts. Producers had hoped that the Simpson name alone would bolster numbers during the November sweeps... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1058.html SAN DIEGO, CA - The San Diego Chargers held off a late rally by the Indianapolis Colts and came away with a 23-21 victory in front of a home crowd of 53,755 on Sunday night. Despite the losing effort, Colts quarterback Peyton Manning... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1057.html ATLANTA, GA - Officials at the Centers for Disease Control today issued a warning for the possible outbreak of a new strain of virus dubbed the 'super-duper bug'. The new virus was detected in the brainstem of a lemur on a small island off the coast of Madagascar... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1056.html WATERBURY, CT - A fourth grade Oakville student has been expelled from a Waterbury school for bringing a toy gnu onto the property. The action falls under the school district's 'zero tolerance' policy, according to administrators... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1055.html INDIANAPOLIS, IN - The New England Patriots continued their season of dominance by beating the Indianapolis Colts 24-20 in the much-anticipated midseason clash of unbeatens. Seemingly eager to remain at the center of controversy, Patriot's head coach Bill Belichick continued his quest... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1054.html WASHINGTON, DC - A conservation bill currently in the House of Representatives will reportedly contain provisions to protect sensitive cornfield ecosystems from farmers. The amendment was inspired by a recent University of California at Santa Barbara study... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1053.html ATLANTA, GA - An alliance of several minority groups announced a major campaign to secure Halloween candy subsidies for children in low-income and minority neighborhoods. The action comes on the heels of a recent survey that revealed the sobering fact that parents in these neighborhoods... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1052.html NEWARK, NJ - The animal rights group People for Equality To Animals has called upon the Indian government to stem the growing alcoholism problem among asian elephants. The group says the recent incident where six elephants were electrocuted during a drunken brawl underscores the mounting epidemic... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1051.html SALT LAKE CITY, UT - The national office of the Council on Decency in Broadcasting has issued a letter to NBC demanding that male contestants on the popular show 'The Biggest Loser' keep their shirts on during the show. Traditionally, male contestants will remove their shirts during the weigh-in portion of the program... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1050.html SEATTLE, WA - The City Council has voted unanimously to ban Dick Cheney costumes inside the city limits, citing the likeness as 'too frightening'. The ruling came three days after a traffic incident that involved a male driver wearing the costume, injuring four people. A woman driving alongside claims the sight of the mask caused her to drive into oncoming traffic... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1049.html LAS VEGAS, NV - Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama today promised that all Americans would have high-speed internet access under his administration. The pledge drew a standing ovation from the young crowd gathered at a rally in a North Las Vegas high school gymnasium. Attempting to distinguish himself from the crowded Democratic field, Obama hopes to augment the universal health care that all the other candidates already support... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1048.html EL SEGUNDO, CA - Mattel will begin its Christmas marketing campaign by introducing 'Grief Counselor Barbie' this Saturday at the Los Angeles International Toy Show. As the first doll in the 'Human Services Professional' line, Mattel hopes the new doll will appeal to parents eager for their daughters to enter the growing human services industry... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1047.html TRAVERSE CITY, MI - A source close to the Houghton County [MI] Medical Examiner's Office has informed The Daily Redundancy that the recent exhumation of George Gipp may have involved current Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis. Gipp, a Notre Dame football legend who died during his senior year in 1920, was the inspiration for Knute Rockne's famous 'win one for the Gipper' speech later immortalized in film. His body was exhumed for unexplained reasons on October 4, just two days before Notre dame's first victory of the season over UCLA.. http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1046.html INDIANAPOLIS, IN - In recent months several sports publications and websites have sponsored surveys for readers to vote on the NFL's best looking cheerleaders. While the results varied from poll to poll, few published results beyond the top ten, and none listed girls who received little or no votes. In an effort to raise awareness of girls forgotten by these polls, The Daily Redundancy has combined the results to recognize the NFL's 10 homeliest cheerleaders.. http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1045.html LIVINGSTON, TX - A prisoner on Texas' death row was released today after prison officials failed to produce enough documentation to keep him behind bars. The prisoner, known as 'Old Joe', is thought to have been on death row since the 1950's, although no records of his trial, conviction or appeals could be found in prison archives... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1043.html NEW YORK, NY - New York Nicks president Isaiah Thomas held a press conference today to officially condemn the word 'ho', particularly when used by a white person. The term, deemed by many to be derogatory towards women, recently helped end the career of radio talk show host Don Imus, when he used it describe the NCAA women's championship basketball team. Thomas says the unrestricted use of derogatory terms towards black women must come to and end.... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1041.html CEDAR FALLS, IA - Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards today expressed his affinity toward the lesbian lifestyle during an Iowa campaign stop. Edwards made the disclosure while speaking before 20 to 25 members of the Northeast Iowa chapter of the National Lesbian Rights Coalition. The candidate, who has maintained that he is more in touch with women's issues than any other presidential hopeful... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1040.html RICHMOND, VA - Autopsy records of one on the pit bulls killed in the Michael Vick dog fighting case indicate the animal may have fought back against its handlers. The image of what appears to be the top two joints of a human finger was found on a x-ray of 'Jane', a female pit bull killed at the 'Bad Newz Kennels'... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1038.html TUSCON, AZ - If you missed viewing the recent phenomenon where Mars appeared the same size as the Moon, you'll have another opportunity next month, astronomers say. While it's true that Mars will not pass as closely as it did for another 2300 years, next month the Moon will be further away than ever before... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1037.html GREAT SMOKY MOUNTAINS NATIONAL PARK - At the top of the scenic road crossing this great national park sits Newfound Gap - a peaceful stopover offering spectacular vistas of the mountainous countryside below. But this setting is also witness to the containment of a basic constitutional right, heralded by the wails of one man... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1036.html OSLO, NORWAY - The Norwegian Environmental Ministry has proposed to initiate 'methane credits' to offset emissions from moose, the official national animal. A recent study revealed that a grown moose will emit 2100 kilos of carbon dioxide and 100 kilos of methane annually. Given that methane has 20 times the greenhouse effect as carbon dioxide, both gasses have an equally harmful effect on the environment ... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1035.html SHANGHAI, CHINA - The Chinese State Language Commission has blocked a couple from naming their baby </fetus>, according to Li Jinsao, spokesman for the authority. The action bolsters an official ban of names containing foreign alphabets and minority Chinese languages. The couple, who's name is also Li ... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1034.html HOLLYWOOD, CA - The production company distributing a remake of a science fiction classic has agreed to change the film's title due to pressure from civil rights groups. The updated version of the 1979 space fantasy "The Black Hole" will adopt the official name of black holes, and be released as "The Super High Gravity Location". ... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1033.html CAMBRIDGE, MA - A new education study has revealed the sobering fact that nearly half of all junior and senior high school students scored below average on standardized tests. "We're very disappointed", says Caroline Sisselman, Assistant School Superintendent. "We thought we had made more progress since the last study." That previous study ... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1012.html BOSTON, MA - Researchers probing the mysteries of flatus gasses have discovered a microbe that can be genetically altered to effectively negate the unpleasant odor of flatulence. The organism - that resides naturally in the digestive tract - can reportedly be modified according to an individual's DNA to avoid... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1032.html PROVIDENCE, RI - Oscar, the nursing home cat who could seemingly sense the impending death of patients, was found dead early yesterday. The cat gained recent notoriety when reports of his ability to detect the impending death of the terminally ill became public. Seemingly aware that death was at hand, Oscar would reportedly... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1031.html LOS ANGELES, CA - A report released today by the National African-American Coalition of People documents increasing oppression by Hispanics, according to the coalition. The report is based on a recent study by the University of California at Santa Clara that analyzed the relationship between crime and poverty. The NAACP's report claims that the study... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1030.html MIAMI, FL - A local cable reality show is being sued for sexual and racial discrimination by an omni-racial transvestite band. The show, 'Where's Your Talent', eliminated the band from competition two weeks ago by a vote from the show's judges. The suit seeks damages in excess of $1 million according to papers filed in district court... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1029.html SEATTLE, WA - A new study released by Northland University theorizes that the Earth may be suffering from a planetary 'fever'. Experts on both sides of the global warming debate participated in the study, attempting to achieve a consensus on the root causes of climate change. The study suggests that the planet is reacting to... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1027.html WASHINGTON, DC - The Occupational Safety and Health Administration today raised the safety incident probability rating of laptop computers, making them unsafe for use in the workplace without precautionary measures. The ruling comes on the heels of a three year study of work-related incidents... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1026.html DETROIT, MI - The final resting place of the recently buried 'n-word' was desecrated by vandals overnight, according to police reports. The 'n-word' was buried during a ceremony by the National African-American Coalition of People at their recent convention, in a symbolic effort... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1025.html ARLINGTON, VA - The Daily Redundancy, in an unprecedented exclusive, has received copies of a top-secret plan to invade Canada. The unnamed source, who gave us the plans on the condition of anonymity... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1020.html MIAMI, FL - A congressional group concerned about the effects of climate change will make a proposal in Congress to combat rising sea levels by making the oceans deeper... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1024.html MARYSTOWN, PA - At a press conference today Councilman Benjamin Moneypacker issued an apology apology apology stemming from an offensive statement made two weeks ago... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1005.html ATLANTA, GA - The Daily Redundancy has learned that the United Sectarian Church plans to make a $500,000 research grant to Howyflyl University for studies in 'gaydar' technology. This field of study, which allegedly explores the ability to detect homosexuals, is currently in its infancy. ... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1015.html DETROIT, MI - An upcoming report commissioned by the Health and Human Services Department ranks the lifestyle of the homeless among the healthiest in America. The report - to be released early next week - ranked several demographic groups based on diet, exercise, and recreational activities, and included data gathered from across the nation... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1022.html SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Borrowing on NASCAR's policy of deducting championship points for rule violations and public behavior, baseball will fine slugger Barry Bonds 100 home runs for past policy infractions. The commissioner will announce the penalty at a press conference later today... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1023.html BRUSSELS, BELGIUM - The International Space Nomenclature Council today adopted the term 'emplacements de hauts gravité super' - or 'super high gravity locations' - as the official replacement name for black holes. Originally named in reference to the fact... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1018.html WASHINGTON, DC - The Senate today passed landmark legislation that makes it a Federal offense to "run, jog, trot, or walk very quickly while conveying scissors or shears." Dubbed 'The Cutting Implement Transportation and Safety Act', the legislation will go into effect on October 1st.... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1009.html STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN - Officials at the International Continental Redefinition Conference has declared that Australia is now formally an island, downgrading it from a continent and hence replacing Greenland as the world's largest land body that currently fits the island criteria... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1021.html CLEARWATER, FL - Hooters Restaurants - long known for their chicken wings and scantily clad waitresses - will soon have breasts on their menu as well. "People have always associated Hooters with wings" says Cleve Ogler, Hooters ... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1006.html RABAT, MOROCCO - Scientists and environmental experts gathered at the World Resource Inventory Summit warned today that the Sahara desert is in jeopardy of running out of sand in the near future. A presentation in the morning session revealed... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1016.html MINNEKONKATONKA, MN - A bizarre incident on Highway 6 in Hightower County left six cars submerged in Lake Minnekonkatonka. Recovery workers spent three hours removing the vehicles, while local residents comforted the victims... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1010.html LOS ALAMOS, NM - The Army announced today that the first successful F-Bomb test has taken place in the New Mexico desert. The F-Bomb - which is not nuclear but still produces a mushroom cloud - was begun after... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1004.html HIGH PLAINS, TX - A string of robberies allegedly perpetrated by a thief nicknamed 'The Spork Bandit' came to an end today with his arrest at a local convenience store. Police say Kenneth Stonehead, 28... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1013.html HOUSTON, TX - In a surprising move, NASA has recalled all diapers manufactured for astronauts use in space. Officials familiar with the situation claim use of these diapers... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1007.html LOS ALAMOS, NM - In a dramatic announcement, scientists revealed the discovery of huge amounts of undetectable matter in the universe. "This discovery is a key element... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1014.html DENVER, CO - Researchers at West Northland University have released a study directly linking longevity to foot size. The groundbreaking publication... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1011.html REDMON, WA - Savvy entrepreneur Richie Fellows has reached an agreement with a European conglomerate to sell his massive online enterprise for $1 trillion dollars... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1019.html MARYSTOWN, PA - A local man was released today after serving a one-year sentence in a Chinese finger prison. Reginald Grunger, 32 - a longtime petty theft criminal... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1002.html LOS ANGELES, CA - In response to Airbus' A380 and Boeing's 797 - the latest trends in commercial aviation - Northrop Grumman has announced plans to enter the passenger... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1001.html DUMPWATER, FL - The District 5 semifinal was called late in the fourth quarter when a melee broke out between the players that quickly escalated, involving fans of both teams as well... http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1003.html