BOSTON, MA - Researchers probing the mysteries of flatus gasses have discovered a microbe that can be genetically altered to effectively negate the unpleasant odor of flatulence. The organism - that resides naturally in the digestive tract - can reportedly be modified according to an individual's DNA to avoid producing certain objectionable compounds. The researchers speculate that it may one day even be possible to select custom scented gaseous evacuations.
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OSLO, NORWAY - The Norwegian Environmental Ministry has proposed to initiate 'methane credits' to offset emissions from moose, the official national animal. A recent study revealed that a grown moose will emit 2100 kilos of carbon dioxide and 100 kilos of
methane annually. Given that methane has 20 times the greenhouse effect as carbon dioxide, both gasses have an equally harmful effect on the environment...
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BRUSSELS, BELGIUM - The International Space Nomenclature Council today adopted the term 'emplacements de hauts gravité super' - or 'super high gravity locations' - as the official replacement name for black holes.
Originally named in reference to the fact that light cannot escape their intense gravity, the term 'black hole' was increasingly criticized as being insensitive to African-Americans...
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RABAT, MOROCCO - Scientists and environmental experts gathered at the World Resource Inventory Summit warned today that the Sahara desert is in jeopardy of running out of sand in the near future. A presentation in the morning session revealed the sobering fact that millions of tons of sand are blown into the Atlantic Ocean each year,
with airborne particles sometimes reaching the Americas.
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SEATTLE, WA - A new study released by Northland University theorizes that the Earth may be suffering from a planetary 'fever'. Experts on both sides of the global warming debate participated in the study, attempting to
achieve a consensus on the root causes of climate change. The study suggests that the planet is reacting to harmful contagions, namely humans, and that rising temperatures are a symptom of the Earth's efforts to fight off the infection...
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TUSCON, AZ - If you missed viewing the recent phenomenon where Mars appeared the same size as the Moon, you'll have another opportunity next month, astronomers say. While it's true that Mars will not pass as closely as it did for another 2300 years, next month the Moon
will be further away than ever before. Although tinier, both bodies will again appear to be the same size...
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LOS ALAMOS, NM - In a dramatic announcement, scientists revealed the discovery of huge amounts of undetectable matter in the universe. "This discovery is a key element in explaining the nature of the Cosmos" says Ravi Skywalker, lead cosmologist of The Missing Matter Project.
This undetectable matter apparently accounts for a majority of the mass in the universe, and its discovery confirms long held theories of the universe's expansion. "For a long time our theories depended on there being huge amounts of matter in the universe that we have not yet detected"
explains Skywalker. "The fact that this matter is undetectable fits our theories quite well."
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