DES MOINES, IA - The recent outbreak of 'Mad Rooster' disease that is ravaging the Midwest has been linked to tainted feed from China. Traces of sildenafil citrate, the active ingredient in Viagra®, has been found in 90% of the chicken feed tested.
Officials say the finding may explain many of the symptoms displayed by the infected birds...
(full story here)
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ATLANTA, GA - Officials at the Centers for Disease Control today issued a warning for the possible outbreak of a new strain of virus dubbed the 'super-duper bug'. The new virus was detected in the brainstem of a lemur on a small island off
the coast of Madagascar. Disease experts claim the new bug is even more powerful than the so-called 'super bug' - MRSA..
(full story here)
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WASHINGTON, DC - A conservation bill currently in the House of Representatives will reportedly contain provisions to protect sensitive cornfield ecosystems from farmers. The amendment was inspired by a recent University of California
at Santa Barbara study of the unique wildlife supported by the fields, and the devastating effects on them due to harvesting...
(full story here)
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CEDAR FALLS, IA - Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards today expressed his affinity toward the lesbian lifestyle during an Iowa campaign stop. Edwards made the disclosure while speaking before 20 to 25 members of the Northeast Iowa chapter
of the National Lesbian Rights Coalition. The candidate, who has maintained that he is more in touch with women's issues than any other presidential hopeful, revealed a new side of himself for the first time in public...
(full story here)
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ARLINGTON, VA - The Daily Redundancy, in an unprecedented exclusive, has received copies of a top-secret plan to invade Canada. The unnamed source, who gave us the plans on the condition of anonymity, is a highly placed military intelligence officer
named Vincent Mongerwhisp. Mr. Mongerwhisp has refused to comment on anything other than the Canadian invasion plans...
(full story here)
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WASHINGTON, DC - Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff announced today that the Wu-Tang Clan has been placed back on the list of terrorist organizations. Wu-Tang leader RZA, a.k.a. Bobby Digital, is known to the FBI as Robert Diggs.
Since the Wu's assembly in 1992, RZA has been arming members globally with so-called 'phat beats'...
(full story here)
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LAS VEGAS, NV - Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama today promised that all Americans would have high-speed internet access under his administration. The pledge drew a standing ovation from the young crowd gathered at a rally in a North Las Vegas
high school gymnasium. Attempting to distinguish himself from the crowded Democratic field, Obama hopes to augment the universal health care that all the other candidates already support...
(full story here)
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ATLANTA, GA - The Daily Redundancy has learned that the United Sectarian Church plans to make a $500,000 research grant to Howyflyl University for studies in 'gaydar' technology. This field of study, which allegedly explores the ability to detect homosexuals, is currently in its infancy...
(full story here)
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WASHINGTON, DC - The Senate today passed landmark legislation that makes it a Federal offense to "run, jog, trot, or walk very quickly while conveying scissors or shears." Dubbed 'The Cutting Implement Transportation and Safety Act', the legislation will go into effect on October 1st....
(full story here)
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STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN - Officials at the International Continental Redefinition Conference has declared that Australia is now formally an island, downgrading it from a continent and hence replacing Greenland as the
world's largest land body that currently fits the island criteria...
(full story here)
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SHANGHAI, CHINA - The Chinese State Language Commission has blocked a couple from naming their baby </fetus>, according to Li Jinsao, spokesman for the authority. The action bolsters an official ban of names containing foreign alphabets
and minority Chinese languages...
(full story here)
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