TAMPA, FL - Former vice president Al Gore today demanded a recount in the recently completed Info Babe Madness 2009 tournament. The annual competition to find America's favorite local television news personality concluded with Morgan Fogarty of FOX7 in Charlotte edging out defending champion
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WASHINGTON, DC - Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff announced today that the Wu-Tang Clan has been placed back on the list of terrorist organizations. Wu-Tang leader RZA, a.k.a. Bobby Digital, is known to the FBI as Robert Diggs. Since the Wu's assembly in 1992, RZA has been arming members globally with so-called 'phat beats'.
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NEW YORK, NY - Preliminary data from the United Nation's World Health Organization indicate that 2008 was the deadliest year in history. Worldwide deaths were up a staggering
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CHICAGO, IL - Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich today signed a lucrative endorsement deal with Nike apparel. Spokesmen for the Governor say the deal has been in negotiations for months, and may have been mistaken for attempts to sell a Senate nomination. The agreement, rumored to be valued as high as an appeals court appointment, is valid as long as Blagojevich
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WASHINGTON, DC - President elect Barack Obama's nomination of Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State has all but ensured Bill Clinton's return to the Washington political scene. His role in the new administration has yet to be determined, however, Ms. Clinton hinted that she may prefer that Bill stay close to home. When asked if she would send Bill abroad, an irritated Ms Clinton quickly tabled the discussion.
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SUN CITY, AZ - Police in this normally peaceful retirement community are bracing for the possibility of violence in the wake of the upcoming presidential election. Investigators believe that if Republican candidate John McCain loses, widespread rioting is possible, particularly at local golf resorts and in buffet restaurants. The situation underscores
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ATLANTA, GA - Democrat presidential nominee Barack Obama today unveiled a new facet of his education plan: a progressive tax on grade point averages. The move dovetails with Obama's long term plan to "spread the intelligence around", and could open up scholarship possibilities for students currently in danger of failing their next class.
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CHICAGO, IL - Democrat presidential nominee Barack Obama filed paperwork today to legally change his middle name to 'Billy Ray'. Campaign officials say the move was to portray how folksy Obama is, and to make his name more indicative of his true identity. It is unclear what Obama's middle name used to be, as it apparently has never been mentioned by the Obama campaign.
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WASHINGTON, DC - In a compromise to the proposed bailout of the financial industry, Congress today approved the buyout of online stock trading giant E-Trade, and the popular video hosting site YouTube. The takeovers, at an estimated cost of $600 billion, are aimed at settling fears that the government bailout of the financial markets
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CHICAGO, IL - In yet another startling revelation regarding Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin, sources close to the campaign of Democrat nominee Barack Obama have discovered that Palin is good looking, and has been most of her adult life. The news underscores Obama's claim that Palin is not suited for Washington politics, and raises further questions
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DENVER, CO - Barack Obama and Joe Biden, America's hottest new couple, will announce plans to adopt a Republican child, according to sources close to the pair. Continuing the trend of high-profile couples adopting oppressed children
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MIAMI, FL - A civil rights group protested outside the offices of the National Hurricane Center today over what it claims is a disparity in the organization's storm naming process. The National African-American Coalition of People staged the protest due to what it sees as "an elitist, bigoted practice that favors whites and Hispanics". The group plans
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WASHINGTON, DC - Democrat presidential hopeful Barack Obama today continued efforts to attract a wide spectrum of voters with stunning bipartisanship. At the risk of angering his party's base to appeal to more moderate and conservative voters, Obama has modified his policy on taxes.
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TEHRAN, IRAN - The Iranian government downplayed the test firing of nine long range missiles today, claiming the devices were merely 'fireworks', and had no military value. The government asserts that the fireworks are intended purely for peaceful entertainment purposes, and that they pose no threat to other nations.
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NEW YORK, NY - Speaking at a fundraiser with the group New York Women for McCain, the Republican nominee today continued his promises to cut taxes if elected. The Arizona senator pledged to make the Bush tax cuts permanent and to introduce new cuts as well. He argued the cuts are necessary for Americans
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EL PASO, TX - A little known domestic terrorist group has become a major target of the Department of Homeland Security in recent months. The group, known as the Tumbleweed Liberation Front, or TLF, is a militant environmentalist faction with cells throughout the western states. TLF has been linked to hundreds of acts of sabotage
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