SALT LAKE CITY, UT - The national office of the Council on Decency in Broadcasting has issued a letter to NBC demanding that male contestants on the popular show 'The Biggest Loser' keep their shirts on during the show. Traditionally, male contestants
will remove their shirts during the weigh-in portion of the program, attempting to save precious ounces on the scales. The Council contends that the practice violates regulations on nudity...
(full story here)
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CHICAGO, IL - A statement released today by the National Retailer's Association declares that early holiday sales are the slowest ever. When adjusted for inflation and seasonal influences, the Association claims the
data foretells the worst holiday sales figures in history. The Daily Redundancy has conducted research indicates a sales history that extends back over 2,000 years
"The early numbers never lie." said Phillip Wellington, Executive Director of the NRA. "There's a reason they call it 'Black Friday.' If we're not in the black that day...
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LAS VEGAS, NV - The ratings for coverage of O.J. Simpson's armed robbery trial are 'abysmal' according to trial broadcast experts. Producers had hoped that the Simpson name alone would bolster numbers during the November sweeps, but now speculate
the public may think that armed robbery is somewhat unspectacular. Still, broadcasters and print media alike remain hopeful a more sensational crime will emerge before the end of the month...
(full story here)
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EL SEGUNDO, CA - Mattel will begin its Christmas marketing campaign by introducing 'Grief Counselor Barbie' this Saturday at the Los Angeles International Toy Show. As the first doll in the 'Human Services Professional' line, Mattel hopes the new doll
will appeal to parents eager for their daughters to enter the growing human services industry.
"We realize that times have changed." said Tiffany Hunter-Browland, Vice President of Barbie Research and developer of the Human Services Professionals line. "Young girls today realize ...
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REDMON, WA - Savvy entrepreneur Richie Fellows has reached an agreement with a European conglomerate to sell his massive online enterprise for $1 trillion dollars. The sale, which has been rumored for months,
will become final pending approval by the Securities and Exchange Commission. Pending the transaction, Mr. Fellows will become what is believed to be the world's first trillionaire.
Mr. Fellows' on-line empire, Things.com, has skyrocketed in popularity in recent years...
(full story here)
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WASHINGTON, DC - The Occupational Safety and Health Administration today raised the safety incident probability rating of laptop computers, making them unsafe for use in the work
area without precautionary measures. The ruling comes on the heels of a three year study of work-related incidents and new information on laptop materials. Employers will have six months to implement the new procedures or face stiff fines...
(full story here)
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CLEARWATER, FL - Hooters Restaurants - long known for their chicken wings and scantily clad waitresses - will soon have breasts on their menu as well. "People have always associated Hooters with wings" says
Cleve Ogler, Hooters Marketing Director. "From now on, we hope that when people think of Hooters, they'll think of breasts as well."
Steve "Johnny" Baker, owner of the local franchise, thinks it's a great idea. "We were just throwing them away...
(full story here)
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HOUSTON, TX - In a surprising move, NASA has recalled all diapers manufactured for astronauts use in space. Officials familiar with the situation claim use of these diapers - which are designed for use in the microgravity of space - may somehow trigger strange
behavior here on Earth. "We're not sure if it's a blood pressure phenomenon or just a psychosomatic reflex" says Otto Pondbottom, Director of NASA's Bodily Fluids Management Program. "But we're not going to take any chances...
(full story here)
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LOS ANGELES, CA - In response to Airbus' A380 and Boeing's 797 - the latest trends in commercial aviation - Northrop Grumman has announced plans to enter the passenger
plane market with the world's first 'muscle plane'. Officials of the fighter jet manufacturer are confident many fliers will opt away from the 500 to 1000 passenger giants for
something smaller with a little more style and 'pep'...
(full story here)
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