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ARLINGTON, VA - The Daily Redundancy, in an unprecedented exclusive, has received copies of a top-secret plan to invade Canada. The unnamed source, who gave us the plans on the condition of anonymity, is a highly placed military intelligence officer
named Vincent Mongerwhisp. Mr. Mongerwhisp has refused to comment on anything other than the Canadian invasion plans...
ATLANTA, GA - The Daily Redundancy has learned that the United Sectarian Church plans to make a $500,000 research grant to Howyflyl University for studies in 'gaydar' technology. This field of study, which allegedly explores the ability to detect homosexuals, is currently in its infancy...
WASHINGTON, DC - The Senate today passed landmark legislation that makes it a Federal offense to "run, jog, trot, or walk very quickly while conveying scissors or shears." Dubbed 'The Cutting Implement Transportation and Safety Act', the legislation will go into effect on October 1st....
STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN - Officials at the International Continental Redefinition Conference has declared that Australia is now formally an island, downgrading it from a continent and hence replacing Greenland as the
world's largest land body that currently fits the island criteria. Greenlanders contacted by The Daily Redundancy, although quite cold, were rather hot over the ruling...
LOS ALAMOS, NM - The Army announced today that the first successful F-Bomb test has taken place in the New Mexico desert. The F-Bomb - which is not nuclear but still produces a mushroom cloud - was begun after the above ground testing ban treaty in the 1960's. "There was
a lot of research left undone." according to Dr. Renaldo Hererra, chief of Munitions Linguistics at Los Alamos. "We went straight from the A-Bomb to the H-Bomb, omitting everything in between. The B project showed promise, but C through E were complete failures. It's good to finally have some success...
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