WASHINGTON, DC - The Food and Drug Administration unveiled tough new guidelines today designed to regulate certain provocative food advertisements and programming, widely known in the industry as 'food porn'. The new regulations apply to all print, broadcast and cable media, and are to be in effect by August 1st. Supporters of the regulations say the new guidelines are needed to fight the obesity epidemic, and claim that advertisers and network executives have shamelessly exploited food for long enough.
"Some of this programming is extremely graphic and quite disgusting." said Anita Manbadd, Director of the FDA's Food Porn Abatement Program. "It's aimed at the lowest level of human stimulation."
Recent studies conducted by the FDA and Howyflyl University have shown that a majority of hungry people will crave a food product displayed in 'provocative' ways - such as in an extreme close-up, splashed with sauces and spices in slow motion, or bitten in aggressive or sensuous manner. These cravings tend to lead to overeating, and in extreme cases, an insatiable desire for food.
"In the end it's just false advertising." said Manbadd. "In the real world, nothing tastes that good."
Experts say the entity affected most by the new regulations is The Food Network, who they say have honed food porn into a fine art. "The Food Network is like a 24 hour a day Red Lobster commercial, but sexier." said Herman Schmaltz, Professor of Gastrointestinal Psychology at Howyflyl and frequent FDA consultant. "Women are drawn to the shows with the huge cakes that are really giant phallic symbols, and once they've seen Giada deLaurentiis put a forkful of pasta in her mouth, most men are hooked, too."
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