WASHINGTON, DC - A report by the Education Department may have had a major influence on the decision by Congress to delay the switchover of television signals from analog to digital. The report concluded that anywhere from 10 to 20 million additional babies would be born during the period from 9 months to 12 months after February 17th had the switch occurred. The report went on to warn of the potential drain on the economy from this 'mini generation.'
"It's based on the phenomenon usually seen after blackouts." said Henry Calaveras, special analyst at the Department and co-author of the report. "Except that blackouts don't last for months, and they don't target a certain sector of the population."
Lawmakers feared the conception rate among people who would have lost television access would be exceptionally high. "If these unfortunate Americans weren't able to get converter boxes after two year's notice, they probably couldn't keep condoms in the house either." said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who voted to delay the switch until free converter boxes could be funded. "The best contraception is a clear, uninterrupted television signal."
The report cited that these children would most likely have been 'responsibly challenged', and have a devastating effect on the education system. "If 20 million of these kids were to enter the school system at the same time, the average IQ would plummet immediately." said Calaveras. "The loss of productivity, supplies and fun time would be staggering. We estimated the replacement cost of lost crayons and textbooks to be in the trillions."
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