ATLANTA, GA - A study commissioned by the Federal Task Force for Religious Intolerance has revealed the startling fact that nearly three out of four Americans do not believe in Atheists. The finding underscores the growing credibility problem plaguing Atheists during a time of otherwise widening religious diversity across the country. Experts say the study confirms that Atheists are increasingly finding themselves alone in their disbeliefs.
"The general perception is that Atheists aren't truly dedicated to their non-beliefs." said Hillary Potswain, Professor of Pan-Atheological Studies at Howyflyl University, and co-author of the study. "The theory is that if you threw an average Atheist out of a ten story window, he would manage two to four words on the way down - of which one would almost certainly be 'God'."
The study concluded that to most casual observers a statement of disbelief in something is an acknowledgement of its existence. Participants of the study offered different versions of this 'mutually exclusive' theory. "It's easy just to say you don't believe in something." said Edgar Quinn, peanut farmer and study participant. "My sister's a vegetarian, but she still believes in meat."
The facet of the study most damning to the credibility of Atheists were made during behavioral observations. Ninety percent of Atheists were documented to have called out to a Supreme Being during sexual activity or eating a fine meal. "The filet mignon and the lobster bisque were particularly revealing." said Potswain.
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