CHICAGO, IL - Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich today signed a lucrative endorsement deal with Nike apparel. Spokesmen for the Governor say the deal has been in negotiations for months, and may have been mistaken for attempts to sell a Senate nomination. The agreement, rumored to be valued as high as an appeals court appointment, is valid as long as Blagojevich avoids prison, where Nike products are banned by Illinois law. The contract is also reported to contain escalator clauses that allows bonus payments for any public trials or impeachment.
"It's a head to toe agreement." said one Nike official who spoke with us on the condition that he be called 'Candidate 5'. "We've got exclusive apparel rights, except for hats. Seems he refuses to wear hats."
Industry experts speculate the headwear exclusion clause is an indicator of an upcoming hair care product line. Surveillance tapes obtained by The Daily Redundancy document a conversation with Candidate 2, rumored to be a Rogaine executive, where Blagojevich is clearly heard saying: "There's always been a price on my head."
Other excerpts from the surveillance tapes suggest Blagojevich may be working on a deal with a group headquartered in Washington DC. Several conversations revolve around the Governor's choice of a representative to send for further negotiations. Blagojevich's staff have hinted the deal may have something to do with season tickets for the Redskins.
Within the next few days Blagojevich is expected to announce endorsement deals with eBay, where the Governor has been selling construction contracts for years, and GoDaddy.com, who has donated webhosting services for an online legal defense fund. Donations can be made by logging on at ObamaDidntKnowAnything.com.
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