NORFOLK, VA - The animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals today issued a statement demanding a ban on the practice of placing lipstick on pigs. The custom, widely referenced in retail sales and politics, is believed to be on the rise due to a surprising amount of media attention in recent weeks. PETA contends that the practice reveals a new facet of organized animal abuse.
"We believe that this is new evidence of a major increase in the use of animals for cosmetic testing." said PETA Executive Director Ingrid Newberg. "We've seen pictures of teapot piglets as young as three weeks old wearing Lancôme Red and Sensual Java, as well as a mature potbelly with Clinique Sassy Spice Color Surge. Needless to say, it was a gruesome sight."
Widespread speculation exists that cosmetic companies may view pigs as a more realistic testing platform for their products. "Testing on rabbits never yielded great dividends, because rabbits are already cute and just looked silly with makeup on." said Jacquelyn Bonner, Professor of Bestial Cosmetology at Howyflyl University. "Pigs are much more realistic when it comes to measuring the effectiveness of the cosmetics on the people that need them most."
Lawmakers caution that although they will act to stop any abuse, individual rights must be protected. "We're certainly not going to ban pig lipstick for personal use." said Virginia Assemblyperson Norm Bennet. "That kind of thing would be un-American."
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