NEW YORK, NY - Newly acquired Jets quarterback Brett Favre underwent emergency surgery late last night to remove an acute mediaintestinal cyst. The condition, which had been dormant for nearly six months, flared up in recent weeks and finally became unbearable to both Favre and the general public. After being rushed to the emergency room, doctors discovered an entire television network lodged deep in Favre's large intestine.
"It was really dug in there." said Dr. Phillip Wiggins, Emergency Surgeon at Mount Sinai Hospital. "The surgery went well, but now we'll need to guard against infection. So far, we've changed all his cell numbers and e-mail addresses, cancelled his press conferences, and slapped a restraining order on Tony Kornheiser."
The procedure, known as an ESPNectomy, is generally effective but recurrence of the condition is common. However, physicians and sports agents agree that the risk of surgery far outweighs the consequences of doing nothing at all. "If left untreated, the condition will fester to the point where the whole world is just sick of you." said Wiggins. "Just ask Donovan McNabb."
When treated early, many ESPNectomy patients can go on to lead normal lives, like Brian Bosworth and Ryan Leaf. Favre, however, may face a long recovery period. "Brett lived with this condition for over a decade." said Wiggins. "It nearly cost him his legacy. Luckily, he can recuperate quietly here in New York."
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