BEIJING, CHINA - Chinese officials confirmed today that they will not have time to replace 100,000 defective foam fingers before the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics. The fingers, manufactured in North Korea, inadvertently resemble an obscene gesture due to what officials described as an "unfortunate snafu". Organizers downplay the significance of the gesture, citing ethnic ignorance and "cultural ambiguity".
"No one should be offended." said Xau Xauzing, China's Minister of Cultural Enforcement. "This is our way of telling the world, 'We're number one.' and that everyone else can have number two."
50,000 of the fingers will be used in the opening ceremony, mostly by schoolchildren performing the 'Happy Happy Work Song' on the Olympic stadium field. The fingers were also distributed to the entire delegation of Chinese athletes, and the participants from Iran, North Korea, Venezuela, Syria and France.
Some American officials are privately skeptical that the fingers were mistakenly manufactured. "I think they're trying to send a message." said a senior Defense Department spokesman, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity. "They obviously want to show the world their utter contempt and hatred towards Canada."
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