WASHINGTON, DC - Democrat presidential hopeful Barack Obama today continued efforts to attract a wide spectrum of voters with stunning bipartisanship. At the risk of angering his party's base to appeal to more moderate and conservative voters, Obama has modified his policy on taxes. To appeal to both supporters of increasing taxes and supporters of decreasing taxes, Obama proposed to keep the Bush tax cuts permanent, but impose a stiff tax on the cuts.
"We need to change the way America cuts taxes." said the Illinois senator to a raucous crowd. "We need tax cuts to stimulate the economy, but we also need higher taxes to stimulate the government. My plan does both - and that's change you can believe in."
Under the plan, eligible recipients would receive a rebate check in the amount of the old Bush tax cuts, which they would then return to the IRS within 30 days. Taxpayers could also opt to pay the tax cut amount online, and then receive a rebate check which they could keep. The IRS estimates the tax cut tax could be administered for as little as $15 billion per year.
Campaign advisors for John McCain, who privately called Obama's plan "brilliant", were quick to propose a plan of their own. "We've been studying the idea of a tax cut tax cut for some time." said one advisor, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity. "But under our plan, we would stimulate the economy, stimulate the government, and then stimulate the economy again. That's what we call putting tax dollars to work."
Even Jesse Jackson, who has been moderately critical of Obama at times, seemed impressed. "I probably won't cut off his testicles after all." he said.
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