Cracking Down On Tumbleweed Terrorists

EL PASO, TX - A little known domestic terrorist group has become a major target of the Department of Homeland Security in recent months. The group, known as the Tumbleweed Liberation Front, or TLF, is a militant environmentalist faction with cells throughout the western states. TLF has been linked to hundreds of acts of sabotage and property damage - destroying buildings, fences and other man-made obstacles to the tumbling sagebrushes.

"They tear [the fences] down as fast as I can put them back up." said Billy Henderson, local cattle rancher. "My longhorns have spent so much time on my neighbor's dairy ranch that now we've both got a bunch of funky looking cattle."

In addition to private property damage the Homeland Security Department is concerned about the proposed fence project along the Mexican border. "Our fence is designed to be impenetrable to humans, much less tumbleweeds." said Gordon Kessler, West Texas Regional Manager for HSD. "We're certain we'll catch TLF's attention."

According to environmental experts, the proposed border fence crosses several major tumbleweed migration routes. With numbers already dwindling dramatically, environmentalists warn the project may threaten the dried shrubs with extinction, drawing TLF into a 'tumbleweed armageddon'. "If it comes to that, we'll be ready." said Kessler. "But at least we'll be fighting them here in the desert, and not on Main Street."

© 2008 - The Daily Redundancy