PLAINS, GA - The serenity of this sleepy southwest Georgia town was shattered overnight by a rocket attack from a militant extremist group. Up to fifteen rockets were fired on the town, setting brushfires, scattering chickens and badly damaging a thirteen foot sculpture, allegedly the world's second largest peanut. No serious injuries were reported.
Startled residents gathered in a makeshift shelter inside Harold Jenkin's feed barn. "It was horrible." said Jenkin's wife Claudette. "There was screaming, commotion, strange shrieking, and the terrorists were making all kinds of noise, too." Jimmy Carter, visibly shaken by the events, struggled to put it into perspective. "I haven't been so scared since that swimming rabbit came after me."
An audio tape posted on a website frequently used by Islamic militants claims the attack was carried out by Hamas, a Palestinian terrorist group. "We have struck at the heart of the peanut president's homeland." said the taped militant, believed to be Muqtar Al-Babali, head of a Hamas sleeper cell located in nearby Americus. "This is but a taste of what will come to those who attempt to associate Hamas with peace."
Middle Eastern political experts speculate the attack was in retaliation for Carter's meeting with Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal, in which Carter brazenly accused Mashaal of seeking peace with Israel. "Retribution was inevitable." said Dr. Patrick O'Hirlehey, professor of Middle Eastern Studies at Howyflyl University. "Israel and peace are fighting words to Hamas. Jimmy Carter should have known better."
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