McCain Endorses Clinton And Obama

PITTSBURGH, PA - In a calculated political move, Republican presidential hopeful John McCain today endorsed the campaigns of both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Staff members say McCain will actively campaign for whichever candidate 'needed him the most'. Strategists hope the move will underscore McCain's promise to 'reach out' to Democrats, as well as give some direction for his increasingly irrelevant campaign.

"We've seen some polling numbers that prompted us to get off the fence." said Harold Vincent, McCain's deputy campaign manager, referring to the latest IPECAC poll. The poll contained the question "Who would you prefer to run against John McCain in the general election?" Over seventy percent of respondents replied: "Who is John McCain?"

Both candidates eagerly accepted the endorsements. Obama, speaking at the Lancaster County chapter of the National Organization of Women, was noticeably upbeat about the new alliance. "John and I hope for a future of change, and will work together to change the future of hope, and change the hope of the future."

Clinton, addressing the Pennsylvania Rifle Association, fondly reminisced about working with McCain. "John and I have been through a lot together, and though we haven't always agreed, we have great mutual respect. We have a bond that goes back to the time we were pinned down for two days in a bunker outside Saigon."

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