WASHINGTON, DC - The House Subcommittee on Energy and Alternative Fuels voted 10-1 today to triple fecalol funding next fiscal year. The technology - which promises to convert feces into fuel - has shown little success at the current funding level. Lawmakers say the escalation is necessary to take advantage of increased feces production forecast for the coming year.
"This program is in need of fecal matter, and we're going to give it to them." said Representative Charlie Wrangler, Subcommittee Co-Chairman. "It would be irresponsible to under fund this research with feces so plentiful."
Researchers say they have had some success on a small scale, but need to refine techniques through mass production testing. "At this point its quantity over quality." said Herman Ploetz, Professor of Biofuel Engineering at Howyflyl University - the birthplace of feces research. "Male cattle seem to produce the most potent raw product, but such an enormous amount is necessary we had to turn to Congress."
Fecalol is said to burn cleaner than gasoline, and although it emits a slight sulfurous, rotten egg smell, fewer greenhouse gasses are released into the atmosphere. "The exhaust gasses are more natural...organic really." explains Ploetz. "As far as the environment is concerned, burning fecalol is no different than letting those big turds decompose in the pasture."
Lawmakers hope to mandate 50% fecalol fuels for automobiles by 2012, and promise more extensive use beyond that date. "Power plants and factories can run on this stuff too." says Wrangler. "Feces will one day power this entire country."
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