City Bans Dick Cheney Costumes

SEATTLE, WA - The City Council has voted unanimously to ban Dick Cheney costumes inside the city limits, citing the likeness as 'too frightening'. The ruling came three days after a traffic incident that involved a male driver wearing the costume, injuring four people. A woman driving alongside claims the sight of the mask caused her to drive into oncoming traffic.

"I was mortified!" said Heather Huling-Price, who suffered a broken wrist in the accident. "It [driving into oncoming traffic] was an involuntary reaction. I just wanted to get away - it was horrible."

"We felt we needed to move quickly." said Council President Reginald Jones. "You could imagine the mayhem we would have with a thousand Dick Cheneys roaming the streets. It would be irresponsible to do nothing."

The costume, which comes with a replica shotgun and two headless stuffed puppies, has been a hot item at local costume shops in recent weeks. "We can't keep them on the shelf." said Myron Kitzmiller, owner of the Mask-R-Ade on Lincoln and Fifth. "With what's coming out of Hollywood these days, monster masks just don't scare people anymore. But around here, people seem to be terrified of Dick Cheney."

Charges against the driver are pending. "The mask wasn't illegal at the time of the incident." said police spokesman Fred Smalls. "But clearly the act was mean-spirited, homophobic and racially motivated." Penalties for infractions of the new ordinance include stiff fines, possible imprisonment and sensitivity training.

© 2007 - The Daily Redundancy