Planet Earth May Have A 'Fever'

SEATTLE, WA - A new study released by Northland University theorizes that the Earth may be suffering from a planetary 'fever'. Experts on both sides of the global warming debate participated in the study, attempting to achieve a consensus on the root causes of climate change. The study suggests that the planet is reacting to harmful contagions, namely humans, and that rising temperatures are a symptom of the Earth's efforts to fight off the infection.

Most scientists have agreed for years that human activity has been the main cause of global warming. However, recently, some skeptics have scoffed at the notion - insisting that the Earth's climate is 'too complex' - creating the need for some type of compromise. "We think we've reached an amicable conclusion." said Dr. Lawrence Dwyr, Professor of Quantitative Meteorology at the University. "We like to think of our planet as a living being, and all living things have reactions to irritants. Why would the Earth be any different?"

"All living organisms react similarly when attacked by pathogens." says Anita Reelman, Professor of Macro Physiology at Howyflyl University. "A sharp increase in temperature serves to make the host, in this case the Earth, uninhabitable to the infectious agents - humans. We can already see these effects on the penguins and the polar bears."

Some critics of the theory think the compromise was not well though out. "We've certainly perched ourselves on a slippery slope." said Myron Fishburn, Dean of Science at Northland. "Previously, skeptics of human-generated global warming dismissed the dangers, assuming nothing can be done about it anyway. This theory, though, comes with a solution. All one has to do now is step up and condone the extinction of the human race. I'm curious to see if that'll have legs."

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