Nearly Half Of All Students Below Average

CAMBRIDGE, MA - A new education study has revealed the sobering fact that nearly half of all junior and senior high school students scored below average on standardized tests. "We're very disappointed", says Caroline Sisselman, Assistant School Superintendent. "We thought we had made more progress since the last study." That previous study also reported that nearly half of the scores were below average, but after a two year internal audit of the raw data, that assessment was lowered to exactly half.

School Board Chairman Herman Bellows had harsh comments on the study: "This is unacceptable! How do we expect our children to excel with an average education? Our district, and probably every other district in the country have been trying for years to raise scores, especially in science and math. Obviously, we've failed miserably."

Students were also surprised by the results of the study. "I though I did OK", said Tiffany Miller, a junior at South High. "I don't feel below average."

"I've always had trouble with the math questions, especially statistics." admits Dillon Balkan, senior quarterback at South High. "But I thought I did good overall."

Board members promise swift action to remedy the troubling trend. "We plan to form a steering committee at our next meeting to explore the root causes of these test scores, and to discuss counseling options for the under average kids." said Sisselman. "We expect Chairman Bellows will demand immediate results."

"I most certainly will" replied Bellows. "We will not stop working until every student in this district is above average!"

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