| Army Successfully Tests F-Bomb |
LOS ALAMOS, NM - The Army announced today that the first successful F-Bomb test has taken place in the New Mexico desert. The F-Bomb - which is not nuclear but still produces a mushroom cloud - was begun after the above ground testing ban treaty in the 1960's. "There was
a lot of research left undone." according to Dr. Renaldo Hererra, chief of Munitions Linguistics at Los Alamos. "We went straight from the A-Bomb to the H-Bomb, omitting everything in between. The B project showed promise, but C through E were complete failures. It's good to finally have some success."
The test took place yesterday at 5:42 AM, reportedly flooding the Jouququ Valley with brilliant
light, and creating a blast that resounded off the surrounding mountains for several minutes. "It was ****ing awesome!" exclaimed General Milton C. Ironcrotch, Commanding Officer of the program, curiously potty mouthed after the test.
Critics, though, warn the tests my lead to a new arms race. "We've finally gotten to the point where we are dismantling our arsenals." says Sunrise Yellowflower, a peace activist who has been protesting at Los Alamos since 1968. "Building new weapons now is just ****ed up."
Still, officials maintain there are no ill effects from F-bomb fallout. "No ****ing way!" exclaimed Ironcrotch. "That's the beauty of this thing. You can drop one and go right in to clean things up."
The blast could be heard in Albuquerque, 80 miles away. "It woke up my six-year-old daughter." said Hugo Abernathy, an Albuquerque resident. "She came into my room, rubbing her little eyes, and asked: 'Daddy, what the **** was that?' So to comfort her, I told her 'It's OK sweetie, it was probably just a ****ing bomb.'"
© 2007 - The Daily Redundancy
