WASHINGTON, DC - The Food and Drug Administration unveiled tough new guidelines today designed to regulate certain provocative food advertisements and programming, widely known in the industry as 'food porn'. The new regulations apply to all print, broadcast and cable media, and are to be
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ATLANTA, GA - An analysis of the $787 billion stimulus package conducted by the Centers for Disease Control has revealed that no funding has been allocated to fight Whine Flu, which officials acknowledge has been spreading rapidly in recent months. Researchers
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LOS ANGELES, CA - The controversy surrounding Carrie Prejean, the reigning Miss California, continued to deepen today as new allegations from her troubled past surfaced. According to a family acquaintance, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity,
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BRISTOL, CT - Rookie New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez is reportedly resting comfortably after routine ESPN rectal implant surgery, performed Tuesday at Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York. The former USC star flew to New York on Sunday for a pre-operative examination with ESPN draft analysts, who recommended
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WASHINGTON, DC - Seeking new ways to extract valuable intelligence from enemy combatants, the CIA has embarked on a program of innovative interrogation techniques that do not involve physical contact with the subject. In an effort to quell public suspicion, the agency has released a training video
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NEW YORK, NY - A new United Nations report indicates 'shoe-icide' attacks are increasing worldwide. The study reveals that shoe-icide attackers are both emboldened by the attack on former president Bush last year, and proud
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CAMBRIDGE, MA - Some economic experts are cautiously optimistic that there may be an unexpected benefit to the swine flu epidemic threatening millions of Americans. Sales of surgical masks, which have skyrocketed in recent weeks
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WASHINGTON, DC - In response to President Obama's bold challenge to cut government spending by $100 million, Congress voted today to cut fancy ketchup from its catering and cafeteria budget. The move is expected to generate nearly half of the savings
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NAIROBI, KENYA - Somali pirates today voted in a secret ballot to organize under a labor union agreement and enter into collective bargaining negotiations with the Somali warlords
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MILWAUKEE, WI - A groundbreaking new study conducted by Howyflyl University focuses for the first time on the plight of white people in America. The University also produced a training video, to raise awareness of the little known hardships of everyday life for Caucasian-Americans
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DETROIT, MI - General Motors intends to create a new auto division as part of its plan to avoid Chapter 11 bankruptcy, according to sources inside the company. The division will focus on the production of wind hybrids - a new, yet unproven technology that combines wind power, battery operated electrical motors and
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HOLLYWOOD, CA - Scott Macintyre, the latest contestant to leave American Idol, reportedly was blindsided by Wednesday evening's voting results. Inside sources say the performer was particularly annoyed that he was eliminated after heeding the judges advice
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CHARLOTTE, NC - The annual nationwide search for America's favorite local television news personality has resulted in a championship for a North Carolina anchorwoman. Morgan Fogarty, of WCCB FOX Charlotte won Info Babe Madness 2009, narrowly defeating defending champion Kim Fischer of WOAI in San Antonio for the title
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PASADENA, CA - Scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory released data today indicating an unmistakable cooling trend during 'Earth Hour'. The event, in which citizens voluntarily shut off unnecessary lights and appliances for one hour, was held to raise awareness
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LOS ANGELES, CA - ASM, makers of the wildly poular Snuggie, has announced a new product line to appeal to a more cosmopolitan market. The company plans to introduce the Urban Snuggie at a trade show next week here in Los Angeles.
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DANA POINT, CA - Members of the competition committee here at the NFL owner's meeting have voted to adopt OSHA standards into the official rulebook. Inspectors from the workplace safety organization will be invited to all NFL
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